Horseless Horse Blogger Ruminates on Horse Shopping and Plot

Lately I’ve been feeling like a horseless blogger, not a horse blogger. Last week there was a moment when I scanned through my WordPress reader of all the other horse blogs I follow, and I had to stop and move on to another activity such as Words with Friends instead of thinking about horse shopping.

I actually don’t remember what I moved on to, but I consciously thought, “I can’t do this now,” and tried to make myself forget the posts with horse show updates and girls’ selfies with their cute horses. My eyes dampened a bit and at some point later I told my friend Chef Beth via telephone, “It feels like I’ll never find a horse.” And my voice came out in that funny choked way.

Whoa!!!! When I made my declaration, I knew it was not true. Feelings are just feelings and they come and go. Beth gave me a pep talk on how good things take time and “the right horse is out there for you.”

I said something like if I didn’t have to work, then I would be able to conduct a full-time horse search or that if I had a larger budget, something like 50 or 60K, then my horse shopping problems would be solved.

Beth let me wallow just a little bit, but as a good friend and good Midwesterner she reminded me of facts/truths, and helped me think through some practical tips I could employ in my horse search. And they weren’t bad for someone whose expertise is pastry, not equines.

The right horse is out there for you. . .

This conversation I had over my unfulfilled dream of having a horse was eerily reminiscent of the same conversation I had with my same Beth when we were roommates in Chicago almost ten years ago. She was in pastry school and I was teaching English at a charter school in a tough neighborhood on the north side of the city. Only back then the conversation was about finding a husband; at that point I had my dream horse. I just yearned for a best friend to “do” life with (and I know you shouldn’t end a sentence with a preposition).

Looking through the WordPress blogs last week was the same as ten years ago going to bridal showers for friends who were getting married, leaving me in the dust as the perpetual “one who must stand awkwardly to attempt retrieving bridal bouquet toss at weddings.”

At those showers or weddings, the question was inevitable and in most cases, generated from a place of genuine interest, “So are you dating anyone?” I didn’t have the nerve like Bridget Jones did in the movie to sarcastically profess that I, like all other singles, had scales instead of skin underneath my clothes. (Somebody remind me to devote a blog post to “Sensitivity Training for Interacting with Singles.”)

So what’s the takeaway from this realization that again, I want something I do not have? I don’t know exactly, but writing brings me clarity sometimes. Hopefully I’ll come up with something.

1. Instead of fixating on what I don’t have (i.e., horse), be grateful for what I do have: a good friend who has walked with me through decades of life (Beth and I met in the totally awesome 80s at our school’s annual retreat at a very conservative Christian camp named simply Camp Joy–yet a series of blog posts could be written about that place!), a loving husband (who has taken up riding since summer!), a home, a job (that I love), wonderful parents, good health, two silly dogs, a nice barn where my empty stall awaits a future tenant, supportive blog readers, a car that runs, a full refrigerator, etc.
2. Realize everybody has an unfulfilled desire and that’s normal and part of the human experience. There would be no stories in the world without plots. In good stories, the characters have a challenge to overcome or a problem to solve. I’m teaching history this school year, but when I taught English to mostly 6th graders, I came across some stories kids wrote that had no problem or obstacle. They were really, really boring to read and were more like lists of actions of a character. And sometimes each sentence began with: “and then” or “so then.” Having this “problem” of finding a fun, sound horse in my budget in Southern California is adding to my overall life story. I’m on a mission to not have a boring, “and then” life story.
3. Embrace the process. As my friend Liz said a few months ago, “Just enjoy the search!” She stressed that in trying out each horse I’m honing my riding skills. I also have gotten to know my trainer better from a few long car rides to try out horses. And I’ve seen some beautiful horse facilities in Southern California that I never knew existed.
4. Keep plugging away. Before I met Mark, I spent HOURS and hundreds of dollars (maybe even into the thousands) on online dating memberships. Sometimes it was hilarious poring over profiles–like the time my sister saw a picture of one guy standing next to a floor lamp and she said, “You can’t go for him! He’s the same height as that lamp. He’s too short for you!” to the time a guy named Marvin sporting a unitard doing the splits mid-air popped up in my eHarmony inbox. Other times it was truly depressing. Like when the only men contacting me had obvious comb-overs or wrote using improper grammar.

I hated how much time internet dating consumed, but what kept me going was knowing that I knew a handful of people who had met someone online, dated, fallen in love and gotten married. I kept reminding myself, “If it can happen to them, it can happen to me. Anything is possible.” A different friend once made the astute observation that online dating was like video games for girls. When I thought of it as entertainment and not a chore, it was easier to take.

If I hadn’t kept on with the Internet dating even though I didn’t feel particularly successful at it, I never would have met Mark. So I can keep looking at horse profiles online, even if by the time I call, the horse already has a pre-purchase exam scheduled for another buyer. I can keep on keeping on.

Sunday I’m supposed to go try out two more horses in the San Diego area. I am mildly excited about one of them but not allowing myself to “go there” emotionally. He’s a dark bay with a blaze–you know my fondness for bays with blazes.

In the meantime I will practice contentment, pray (yes, pray to find the right horse–I did that for a husband), and go back to read a couple weeks’ worth of other equestrian blogs. I’ve got some catching up to do. 🙂

What is something you’ve had to really work at to attain? What is the conflict or obstacle that you, the main character in your story, are facing currently? (You are really brave if you share this info, by the way!)

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